I’m a lone
In stark contrast to my usual humorous self I share a little of my insides.
I’m a lone. Relatives are few in number ,what I do have is material things with relationship memories attached to them these do not in any way substitute for living breathing feeling relatives , and in some ways add to the sadness of my days but to depart with them makes me feel i’d be more of a lone :-/ I’m not here to debate how I ended up in such a state no doubt it’s probably my fault .
As I struggle to put a positive slant to these nocturnal thoughts being a ” lone” does not mean I’m not blessed , for I’m truly blessed with friends who try to lift me from my lonesome state , and then there’s all of creations my pets, and the beauty of the skies to help me not feel alone but then in the silences of the night comes these incessant thoughts, your a lone ,YOUR A LONE , but I’m reminded I’m one of a million lones I see them all over people aimlessly walking down the streets in odd clad clothes to keep warm , probably made a wrong turn somewhere in life and can’t seem to get on track or maybe they have just given up .
I must not give up. I see Lones in stores buying frozen TV dinners or dinners for one might as well say dinners for LONES . Just the other night I went caroling with our church and I saw a lot of LONES
As we approach another Christmas season with all the commercials about families I will be praying for us LONES I will thank GOD for the love and compassion he has given me and I will reach out to a Lone when I can because in some way we are connected and maybe just maybe we are not a LONE. :-/
By Meredith J Weir
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Crushed Mustard

Crushed mustard
There’s so much sadness in the air,
clouds filled with losses and despair
My friend’s cups are overflowing
With doubts, and fears and just
Their mustard seeds of faith seem
crushed, and joys and laughters all seemed hushed.
yet on the ground I see its dust, and flecks of seeds that were dispelled
Show me they can live beyond this hell .
Now don’t take me as the “there, there type” , my pains and trials I wouldn’t swipe but think me as a trusted friend ,who wants only to see you round the bend .
This worlds cares I can’t explain ,
( nor me awake right now in pain)
But morn will come, the day says yes regardless if our life’s a mess
The present pain will soon be past
It’s honing done, no more to last .
The trials endured the grinding done
The battle fought, the victory won .
By Meredith J Weir
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This may only be used with the expressed permission of the author
( me)

Emerging from the Darkness

Emerging from the darkness, It’s true life must go on,

I dare to take a deep breath to count my worries gone.

Always will I love her she’ll always be with me

always I’ll remember, how misunderstood was she.

The child of this mother, I know her oh so well,

For I am so much like her, her  sufferings I’ll tell.

Living in the darkness, seeing no way to the light,

accepting that this darkness , must be her only sight.

So afraid of being wrong she lived on in misery, and once the dye was cast

that’s what it was to be.

Oh how I tried to tell her life can not be explained

that we must face tomorrow in spite of bitterness and pain.

I failed also; there’s wrong I must endure, but I know I am forgiven

that alone makes me secure.

The scattering of good times,  beneath her cloud of doubt

will be what I remember that her life was about.

She never really lived, in freedom from her thoughts

They alone kept her imprisoned , they alone the darkness wrought.

So I will take this lesson, my mom so sadly taught.

I will not be imprisoned by the darkly thoughts.

I may make mistakes and sometimes  I’ll  be wrong, but I won’t let the darkness remain in me too long.

I will seek forgiveness,direction, and the light,

so some day they will say, she fought the good fight.

By Meredith J Weir

11/18/126 a.m.

Writing from the darkness, inside a one sided symbiotic relationship now

Yes it has been a while since I’ve written, trying to emerge from the dark side of this symbiotic relationship. The dictionary definition of symbiosis, from the Psychiatric side is ” A relationship between two people in which each person is dependent upon and receives reinforcement, (whether beneficial or detrimental, )from the other.”well I’m  trying to be different, make different choices,trying to see beyond our likenesses, but I have to tell you they’re has to be many ,many people who have experience this torment. When your symbiotic other half, passes on .Whether it was a somewhat healthy relationship or not there remains a void.  A large void ,You have to find a new ” normal”

Especially hard when you know you march to the beat of a different drum! One might think that it would be refreshing not to feel judgement at every turn and decision, but this one feels lost like walking on a thinly ice  frozen lake, each step is too scary to make so bear with me , I’ll be back .

The darkness writes from the darkness within …

The darkness writes to let it out , interestingly the darkness writes to reflect but can the darkness cast a reflection? oh most definitely yes. The darkness wants to teach. It teaches by example, it teaches by missed opportunities, and sadly it teaches most harshly about the sacred, precious gift of time! 60 second x 60 minutes x 24 hours , how much time does it take to impact a life? how much time do we have? will tomorrow ever come? and when it does will what we’ve done be enough?

The darkness pleads to take note and do. Do what ? smile, talk, give, share, hug, love, forgive, the list can go on, but from within this darkness I’ve encountered ,looms the tower of forever missed opportunities and never to be retrieved moments which now live inside the tear-stained walls of my heart.

I have lived with darkness as many know, I hope from writing within, that I will cast a glimpse that going on can be done and knowing others relate often helps.

This is not a long post as sadness and deep thinking often only result in using tissues and wasting time in regret, it is a pause and a reminder to seize the day let the darkness drive you out to make your today a good memory tomorrow.

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All rights reserved ?
But who would know,
What lies within this tired soul?
The depth of thoughts that I perceive would die then, like a withered leaf
Are not we born to think, and not so much to plan?
Are not we born to love, and not so much to stand.
An idle life will find much strife, from standing still it’s true.
So lets move on and sing the song,
find something else to do .
I’ve made mistakes I can’t undue
forgiveness will be up to you.

In retrospect, what the heck, was I suppose to do. My world apart, a broken heart, a family split in two.
The weight of , a promise broke
weighs heavy in this mind.
Destroying flesh and nerves and soul
And taking up my time.
So here you have a trickle of what, is in this mind .
My hope is that some day it’s peace that I will find.

by Meredith J Weir

6/11/12 6:30 p.m.

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The darkness sometimes doesn’t write.

So I started a blog and thought this will be easy to keep up since I thought the time slot will never get filled, but I was wrong. please stay tune as I bring in some poetry from the past and hopefully churn up my creative juices. The darkness will still write on….

Seasonal Seasons

To see the whiteness of the snow

that lay about a foot or so

to see the tree’s encased with ice

a winters scene that’s very nice

If in a house with fire bright you sit with friends this chilly night

While out-of-doors the cold winds blow

moving round bits of snow

and yet before the night shall end again,again the snow descends,

till morning brings you to the door to see the whiteness evermore

We close the door chase out the cold

for even now were not so bold.

Yet after breakfast ,toast and tea we see the cold more willingly

For now we must move it away admire it some other day.

By Meredith J Weir 1972 All rights reserved.


The Divorced Tree

See that tree all alone,

that tree is just like my home.

Other trees growing near, haven’t changed a bit in years,

All our roots are planted deep

I guess mine’s just a little weak

through wind and storms these trees stay stout

except for mine it moves about.

Hurricanes fail to knock them down

but mine now bends close to the ground.

In spring little nests are often found

in all the trees that are around,

except for mine it isn’t fair

for my tree its weight it cannot bear

I watch her arms reaching high

reaching outward in the sky

God knows this tree is like my home

and is the reason I’ll never roam

I must watch her everyday

and then at night I must pray.

I pray she’ll see me through and through

for there isn’t much else that I can do.

By Meredith J Weir 1969 all rights reserved.

The Tide

The tide when restless turns and churns

and sweeps up life and little things

and I within this now have learned,

it never ceases day or night,

and things for me just can’t go right.

It’s sometimes hard when rough winds blow,

to keep it up and not let go

and sometimes storms throw me a shore

to lay and die, to live no more

but I didn’t bend to people’s way

I keep in there for one more day.

My body’s burned by salt of sea

the sun has parched the rest of me

my brain has long since gone astray

to think that death is on its way….

So I will be here one more day ,

and after that “?” I can not say.

By Meredith J Weir

all rights reserved 1968.